F, Marry, Kill
by Morgenn
Summary: The eloquent three part social pop quiz you weren't ready for but exactly what you needed. Answer must include the topics Claude, Edelgard, and Dimitri, an explanation for each, and be at least three paragraphs in length for full credit. Begin. F!Byleth.


**Fuck, Marry, or Kill**

**Universe**: Fire Emblem: Three Houses

**Summary: **The title says it all.

* * *

Gentlemen weren't drunkards.

Hanneman tried to drive the point across but Manuela burst out with laughter at the remark and he drove a hard fist onto the table in response. Byleth tried to keep her widening lips from view behind a napkin. The older man was both genteel and drunk.

Friday evening had come along, right in time for three school teachers to loosen up into something more casual. In the case of Manuela, wildly more inappropriate with a voluptuous dress that revealed her lower back and exposed more than just the ankle. Scandalous.

Manuela sipped her fourth glass of wine when she finished her peal.

"Wine, then," she declared, "for the fancy man and woman that we are," she told Byleth.

Byleth thought any sort of fancy went out the window when there was more drink than blood running through a person's veins. More inebriated than legally advised or medical, for that matter.

"Whiskey," corrected Hanneman.

Byleth kept her mouth shut and drank her Welsh's fake wine.

"Have you heard about the students this year?" asked Manuela.

Hanneman buried his eyes into his palms with his glasses discarded onto the table. He ignored the boisterous female and tried to concentrate on keeping the table from curiously spinning. "Whiskey," he repeated. "As much as I love my job, may we not focus on work while off duty?"

"What?" Byleth asked while she began the arduous task of plucking the drink from Hanneman's hands. She was ever the designated driver.

"Please shut up, Manuela," Hanneman groaned while keeping a firm grip on his tumbler. "You're lowering the intelligence of everyone in the room."

"Since you're their age," Manuela said in a loud voice as she leaned over and revealed more breasts than Byleth would like, "tell me, Byleth! Fuck, marry, or kill."

Hanneman muttered. "A lady, she calls herself." He lost his glass to Byleth and cursed. "Blast. Do give me back my drink."

"No," Byleth replied.

"The students!" Manuela moved to hush the others with a wave of her manicured fingers and continued, "The new house leaders!"

"How am I supposed to answer that?" Byleth chuckled. "The new house leaders are not supposed to be out yet."

"It's not supposed to be," repeated Hanneman. A lock of his hair threatened to spill into his eyes.

"A woman has her ways," Manuela said. She slid over to Byleth and gathered the younger woman's shoulders before pulling her close. Her voice held a mutinous tone. "So, you don't know. In that case, let me educate you – this year's going to be an interesting one.

"The Faerghusean prince, the princess of the Adrestians, and the lordling from the House of Riegan."

"What of them?" Hanneman said, having overheard Manuela by leaning close. In doing so, he almost bowled over onto her shoulder and stopped himself by keeping a hand on her chair. "We've known that they have been in Garreg Mach since they've been admitted three years ago."

Hanneman looked at his coworker's cleavage.

"Guess who're the new house leaders, now?" Manuela asked with an upward inflection bordering on singsong while shoving Hanneman away. "Fuck, marry, or kill."

"Fuck," The gentleman said in his eloquence. "Really?"

"I know, right?" Manuela smiled, clearly deep in thought. Her eyes on the ceiling, looking at the low lights of the room. 'Tis true, 'tis true. Heard from the mouth of her grace herself."

Byleth scrunched her face at this new found revelation. "What?" she asked.

Manuela swung her head back with such energy that in her motion to drink another sip splashed a little of her wine onto her lips. "I'd fuck the prince, kill the girl, and marry the Riegan boy."

"Wow. That is not what I'm asking about,"

"Mister Riegan is not one to marry. He is – what did those kids say nowadays – a fuck boy," Hanneman said. "Did I use that right?"

"So you'd fuck Claude," Manuela clarified, turning to Hanneman.

Byleth was silent.

"No," Hanneman said. "What is wrong with you?"

"You'd fuck Claude, marry Miss von Hresvelg for science, and kill his highness Blaiddyd." Manuela clarified further.

"Yes – no, you woman." Hanneman spluttered. "This is no playing matter. You're going to get in trouble for spreading this news."

"I do love trouble," Manuela sparkled, "and a lady may dream."

"It's quite a thought experiment," Byleth said a palm to her forehead. "Hanneman loves experiments."

Manuela laughed.

"Whose side are you on," Hanneman complained. "Stop that."

"I don't care much for sides," said Byleth. "I just hope that we get home in one piece. This has been fun but both of you need to go cool off."

Manuela whined. "You're no fun. It's only ten o' clock," she said. "Answer me or I'll make you pay my tab."

"What?" asked Byleth. She shook her head and looked around for the waiter. Manuela would never pay her tab anyway.

"Tell me," the older woman tried again, shaking the half drowsy Hanneman in frustration.

Byleth sighed. She had half a mind to refused, but the question itself was interesting. The other two would never remember this conversation the day after, anyway. "Well," she began, "If you must know…"

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Comment below on who you'd fuck, marry, kill and why.


End file.
